The Twilight Saga 2: New Moon Chapter 9 THIRD WHEEL

TIME BEGAN TO get by ALONG MUCH MORE QUICKLY than in the beginning. School, work, and Jacobthough non necessarily in that ordercreated a neat and insouciant pattern to fol rugged. And Charlie got his wish I wasnt miserable some(prenominal)to a greater extent. Of seam, I couldnt fool myself completely. When I stopped to take line of descent of my deportment, which I move not to do withal often, I couldnt ignore the implications of my behavior.I was give care a lost moonmy planet destroyed in nearly cataclysmic, disaster- exposure scenario of desolationthat continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight weensy orbit around the forsake space go away behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to perplex Charlie. But it similarly meant that the voice in my gaffer began to fade, until I perceive it no more. Quietly, I panicked. I threw myself into the search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other adrenaline-producing activities.I didnt confine hint of the day ages hat passed in that respect was no reason, as I tried to live as much in the present as possible, no past fading, no future impending. So I was surprised by the date when Jacob brought it up on unitary of our homework days. He was waiting when I overstretched up in motion of his house.Happy Valentines Day, Jacob state, smiling, alone ducking his head as he greeted me.He held step up a sm every(prenominal), pink nook, balancing it on his palm. Conversation hearts.Well, I feel a equivalent a schmuck, I mumbled. Is straight offadays Valentines Day?Jacob shook his head with mock sadness. You bum be so out of it sometimes. Yes, it is the quadrupleteenth day of February. So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didnt get me a fifty-cent box of faecal matterdy, its the least you end do.I started to feel uncomfortable. The words were teasing, but only on the sur human gift.What exa ctly does that entail? I hedged.The usualslave for life, that kind-hearted of thing.Oh, well, if thats either I took the candy. But I was sieveing to say of some way to consecrate the boundaries clear. Again. They seemed to get muddled a lot with Jacob.So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?Hiking, I decided. Youre not the only virtuoso who can be obsessive. Im starting line to speak up I imagined that place I frowned into space.Well find it, he assure me. Bikes Friday? he offered.I see a chance and took it without taking time to think it through.Im going to a movie Friday. Ive been promising my cafeteria crowd that I would go out forever. microphone would be pleased.But Jacobs face fell. I caught the expression in his dark eyeball before he dropped them to look at the ground.Youll aim too, right? I added quickly. Or will it be too much of a drag with a bunch of boring seniors? So much for my chance to mold some distance between us. I couldnt stand weakene ding Jacob weseemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off secondary stabs of my own. Also, the idea of having his comp whatsoever for the ordealI had promised mike, but really didnt feel any enthusiasm at the thought of pursual throughwas just too tempting.Youd like me to spot, with your friends there?Yes, I rentted honestly, knowing as I continued that I was probably shooting myself in the foot with my words. Ill have a lot more fun if youre there. conduce Quil, and well make it a party.Quils gonna freak. Senior girls. He chortled and rolled his eyes. I didnt mention Embry, and neither did he. I laughed, too. Ill try to get hin a good selection.I broached the subject with microphone in English.Hey, microphone, I said when class was over. Are you free Friday night?He looked up, his blue eyes instantly hopeful. Yeah, I am. You wishing to go out?I worded my reply carefully. I was idea approximately getting a throngI emphasized the wordtogether to go see Cross hairs. Id done my homework this timeeven reading the movie spoilers to be sure I wouldnt be caught off guard. This movie was supposed to be a battue from start to finish. I wasnt so recovered that I could stand to sit through a romance. Does that beneficial like fun?Sure, he agreed, visibly less eager.Cool.After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. How most we get Angela and Ben? Or Eric and Katie?He was determined to make this some kind of double date, apparently.How about both? I suggested And Jessica, too, of course. And Tyler and Conner, and maybe Lauren, I tacked on grudgingly. I had promised Quil variety.Okay, mike muttered, foiled.And, I continued, Ive got a couple of friends from La Push Im inviting. So it phones like well essential your Suburban if everyone jazzs. mikes eyes narrowed in suspicion.These are the friends you spend all your time studying with now?Yep, the very ones, I answered cheerfully. Though you could look at it as tutoring theyre only sophomores.Oh, mike said, surprised. After a second of thought, he grimaced.In the end, though, the Suburban wasnt necessary.Jessica and Lauren hireed to be busy as soon as Mike let it misidentify that I was involved in the planning. Eric and Katie already had plansit was their three-week anniversary or something. Lauren got to Tyler and Conner before Mike could, so those deuce were also busy. Even Quil was outgrounded for fighting at school. In the end, only Angela and Ben, and, of course Jacob, were able to go.The diminished poem didnt dampen Mikes anticipation, though. It was all he could talk about Friday.Are you sure you dont need to see tomorrow and Forever instead? he asked at lunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a better review.I want to see Crosshairs I insisted. Im in the mood for action. arrive on the blood and gutsOkay. Mike turned away, but not before I saw his maybe-shes-crazy-after-all ex pression.When I got home from school, a very familiar car was parked in front of my house. Jacob was angle of dip against the hood, a huge grin lighting up his face. zero(prenominal)way I shouted as I jumped out of the truck. Youre done I cant believe it You finished the RabbitHe beamed. on the nose determination night. This is the maiden voyage.Incredible. I held my accomplish up for a high five.He smacked his hand against mine, but left it there, twisting his fingers through mine. So do I get to drive tonight?Definitely, I said, and hence I sighed.Whats ill-treat?Im giving upI cant top this one. So you win. Youre oldest.He shrugged, unsurprised by my capitulation. Of course I am.Mikes Suburban chugged around the corner. I pulled my hand out of Jacobs, and he nude a face that I wasnt meant to see.I remember this guy, he said in a low voice as Mike parked crossways the street. The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?I raised one eyebrow. Some people are hard to discourage.Then again, Jacob said thoughtfully, sometimes persistence pays off.Most of the time its just annoying, though.Mike got out of his car and crossed the road.Hey, Bella, he greeted me, and and then his eyes turned wakeful as he looked up at Jacob. I glanced briefly at Jacob, too, trying to be objective. He really didnt look like a sophomore at all. He was just so bigMikes head barely cleared Jacobs articulatio humeri I didnt even want to think where I measured side by side(p) to himand then his face was older-looking than it used to be, even a month ago.Hey, Mike Do you remember Jacob calamitous?Not really. Mike held out his hand.Old family friend, Jacob introduced himself, shaking hands. They locked hands with more force than necessary. When their grip broke, Mike flexed his fingers.I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen.Id better get thatit might be Charlie, I told them, and shoot inside.It was Ben. Angela was gag with the stomach flu, and he didnt fe el like coming without her. He apologized for bailing on us.I walked tardily back to the waiting boys, shaking my head. I really hoped Angela would feel better soon, but I had to admit that I was selfishly upset by this development. Just the three of us, Mike and Jacob and me, together for the eveningthis had worked out brilliantly, I thought with grim sarcasm.It didnt seem like Jake and Mike had worriede any progress towards friendship in my absence. They were several yards apart, facing away from each other as they waited for me Mikes expression was sullen, though Jacobs was cheerful as always.Ang is sick, I told them glumly. She and Ben arent coming.I guess the flu is devising another round. Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time, Mike suggested.Before I could agree, Jacob spoke.Im still up for it. But if youd rather to stay behind, MikeNo, Im coming, Mike interrupted. I was just intellection of Angela and Ben. Lets go. He started toward h is Suburban.Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives? I asked. I told him he couldhe just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself, I bragged, proud as a PTA mom with a student on the principals list.Fine, Mike snapped.All right, then, Jacob said, as if that settled everything. He seemed more comfortable than anyone else.Mike climbed in the backseat of the Rabbit with a disgusted expression.Jacob was his normal sunny self, chattering away until Id all but forgotten Mike sulking stillly in the back.And then Mike changed his strategy. He worked forward, resting his get up on the shoulder of my seat his cheek almost touched mine. I shifted away, turning my back toward the window.Doesnt the communicate work in this thing? Mike asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Jacob mid-sentence.Yes, Jacob answered. But Bella doesnt like music.I stared at Jacob, surprised. Id never told him that.Bella? Mike asked, annoyed.Hes right, I mumbled, still looking at Jacobs serene prof ile.How can you not like music? Mike demanded.I shrugged. I dont know. It just irritates me.Hmph. Mike leaned away.When we got to the theater, Jacob handed me a ten-dollar bill.Whats this? I objected.Im not old enough to get into this one, he reminded me.I laughed out loud. So much for relative ages. Is baton going to kill me if I sneak you in?No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my novel innocence.I snickered, and Mike quickened his pace to keep up with us.I almost wished that Mike had decided to incline out. He was still sullennot much of an addition to the party. But I didnt want to end up on a date alone with Jacob, either. That wouldnt champion anything.The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, tetrad people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me throw her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her dates chest. He patted her shoulder, and winced occasionally, too. Mike didnt look like he was watching. His face was steady as he glisteringd toward the fringe of curtain above the screen.I settled in to endure the deuce hours, watching the colors and the movement on the screen rather than seeing the shapes of people and cars and houses. But then Jacob started sniggering.What? I whispered.Oh, cmon he hissed back. The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall.After that, I really watched the show, laugh with him as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our kinship when I enjoyed being with him so much? twain Jacob and Mike had claimed the armrests on either side of me. Both of their hands rested lightly, palms up, in an unnatural looking position. Like steel bear traps, open and ready. Jacob was in the habit of taking my hand whenever the opportunity presented itself, but here in the darkened movie theater, with Mike watching, it would h ave a different significanceand I was sure he knew that. I couldnt believe that Mike was thinking the same thing, but his hand was placed exactly like Jacobs.I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep.Mike gave up first. About middle(prenominal) through the movie, he pulled his arm back, and leaned forward to put his head in his hands. At first I thought he was reacting to something on the screen, but then he moaned.Mike, are you okay? I whispered.The couple in front of us turned to look at him as he groaned again.I could see the sheen of labour across his face in the light from the screen.Mike groaned again, and bolted for the door. I got up to follow him, and Jacob copied me immediately.No, stay, I whispered. Ill make sure hes okay.Jacob came with me anyway.You dont have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage, I insisted as we walked up the aisle.Thats okay. You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks. His voice rose f rom a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the theater.There was no sign of Mike in the hallway, and I was jocund then that Jacob had come with mehe ducked into the mens bathroom to check for him there.Jacob was back in a few seconds.Oh, hes in there, all right, he said, rolling his eyes. What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit.Ill keep my eyes open for someone like that.We were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was desertedquiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession counter in the lobby.Jacob went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, patting the space beside him.He sounded like he was going to be in there for a succession, he said, stretching his long legs out in front of him as he settled in to wait.I joined him with a sigh. He looked like he was thinking about blurring more lines. Sur e enough, as soon as I sat down, he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders.Jake, I protested, leaning away. He dropped his arm, not looking bothered at all by the minor rejection. He reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist joint joint when I tried to pull away again. Where did he get the confidence from? straightaway, just hold on a minute, Bella, he said in a calm voice. Tell me something.I grimaced. I didnt want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever. There was cryptograph lett in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.What? I muttered sourly.You like me, right?You know I do.Better than that joker puking his guts out in there? He gestured toward the bathroom door.Yes, I sighed.Better than any of the other guys you know? He was calm, sereneas if my answer didnt matter, or he already knew what it was.Better than the girls, too, I pointed out.But thats all, he sai d, and it wasnt a question.It was hard to answer, to verbalise the word. Would he get hurt and avoid me? How would I stand that?Yes, I whispered.He grinned down at me. Thats okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. And you think Im good-lookingsort of. Im prepared to be annoyingly persistent.Im not going to change, I said, and though I tried to keep my voice normal, I could hear the sadness in it.His face was thoughtful, no longer teasing. Its still the other one, isnt it?I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to secern the namejust like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said.You dont have to talk about it, he told me.I nodded, grateful.But dont get mad at me for hanging around, okay? Jacob patted the back of my hand. Because Im not giving up. Ive got loads of time.I sighed. You shouldnt waste it on me, I said, though I cherished him to. Especially if he was willing to accept me the way I wasdamaged goods, as is.Its what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me. I cant imagine how I could not like being with you, I told him honestly.Jacob beamed. I can live with that.Just dont expect more, I warned him, trying to pull my hand away. He held onto it obstinately.This doesnt really bother you, does it? he demanded, squash my fingers.No, I sighed. Truthfully, it matt-up nice. His hand was so much warmer than mine I always felt too inhuman these days.And you dont care what he thinks. Jacob jerked his thumb toward the bathroom.I guess not.So whats the problem?The problem, I said, is, that it means something different to me than it does to you.Well. He tightened his hand around mine Thats my problem, isnt it?Fine, I grumbled. Dont forget it, though.I wont. The pins out of the grenade for me, now, eh? He poked me in the ribs.I rolled my eyes. I guess if he felt like making a joke out of it, he was entitled.He chuckled quietly for a minute while his pinky finger absently traced designs against the side of my hand.Thats a funny scar youve got there, he suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it. How did thathappen?The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery rounded that was barely visible against my pale throw together.I scowled. Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?I waited for the memory to hitto open the gaping hole. But, as it so often did, Jacobs presence kept me whole.Its cold, he murmured, pressing lightly against the place where James had fuck me with his teeth.And then Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face wakeful and covered in sweat. He looked horrible.Oh, Mike, I gasped.Do you mind leaving early? he whispered.No, of course not. I pulled my hand free and went to help Mike walk. He looked unsteady.Movie too much for you? Jacob asked heartlessly.Mikes glare was malevolent. I didnt actually see any of it, he mumbled. I was nauseated before the lights went down.Why didnt you say something? I sco lded as we staggered toward the exit.I was hoping it would pass, he said.Just a sec, Jacob said as we reached the door. He walked quickly back to the concession stand.Could I have an empty popcorn bucket? he asked the salesgirl. She looked at Mike once, and then thrust a bucket at Jacob.Get him outside, please, she begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor.I towed Mike out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. Jacob was right behind us. He helped me get Mike into the back of the car, and handed him the bucket with a serious gaze.Please, was all Jacob said.We rolled down the windows, letting the flash-frozen night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Mike. I curled my arms around my legs to keep warm.Cold, again? Jacob asked, putting his arm around me before I could answer.Youre not?He shook his head.You essential have a fever or something, I grumbled. It was freezing. I touched my fingers to his forehead, and his head was hot.Whoa, Jakeyour e burning upI feel fine. He shrugged. Fit as a fiddle.I frowned and touched his head again. His skin blazed under my fingers.Your hands are like ice, he complained.Maybe its me, I allowed.Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasnt defiled.The road felt longer on the way back.Jacob was quiet, thoughtful. He left his arm around me, and it was so warm that the cold wind felt good.I stared out the windshield, consumed with guilt.It was so wrong to encourage Jacob. Pure selfishness. It didnt matter that Id tried to make my position clear. If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other than friendship, then I hadnt been clear enough.How could I develop so that he would understand? I was an empty shell. Like a vacant housecondemnedfor months Id been utterly uninhabitable. nowadays I was a little improved. The front ro om was in better repair. But that was alljust the one teentsy piece. He deserved better than thatbetter than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.Yet I knew that I wouldnt send him away, regardless. I needed him too much, and I was selfish. Maybe I could make my side more clear, so that he would know to reserve me. The thought do me shudder, and Jacob tightened his arm around me.I set Mike home in his Suburban, while Jacob followed behind us to take me home. Jacob was quiet all the way back to my house, and I wondered if he were thinking the same things that I was. Maybe he was changing his mind.I would invite myself in, since were early, he said as we pulled up next to my truck. But I think you might be right about the fever. Im starting to feel a little strange.Oh no, not you, too Do you want me to drive you home?No. He shook his head, his eyebrows pulling together. I dont feel sick yet. Just wrong. If I h ave to, Ill pull over.Will you call me as soon as you get in? I asked anxiously.Sure, sure. He frowned, thoroughgoing(a) ahead into the darkness and biting his lip.I opened my door to get out, but he grabbed my wrist lightly and held me there. I noticed again how hot his skin felt on mine.What is it, Jake? I asked.Theres something I want to tell you, Bella but I think its going to sound kind of corny.I sighed. This would be more of the same from the theater. Go ahead.Its just that, I know how youre unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesnt help anything, but I wanted you to know that Im always here. I wont ever let you downI promise that you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know.The smile broke across his face the way the sunrise set the clouds on fire, and I wanted to cut my tongue out. I hadnt said one word that was a lie, but I s hould have lied. The accuracy was wrong, it would hurt him. I would let him down.A strange look crossed his face. I really think Id better go home now, he said.I got out quickly.Call me I yelled as he pulled away.I watched him go, and he seemed to be in control of the car, at least. I stared at the empty street when he was gone, feeling a little sick myself, but not for any fleshly reason.How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and -blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now. Heaven knows I had never wanted to use Jacob, but I couldnt help but interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had.Even more, I had never meant to beloved him. One thing I real knewknew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chestwas how love gave someone the power to break you.Id been broken beyond repair.But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug. Id used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than Id planned to go with anyone again. Now I couldnt bear for him to be hurt, and I couldnt keep from hurting him, either. He thought time and diligence would change me, and, though I knew he was dead wrong, I also knew that I would let him try.He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.I went inside to sit by the phone and bite my nails.Movie over already? Charlie asked in surprise when I came in. He was on the floor, just a foot from the TV. Must be an exciting game.Mike got sick, I explained. Some kind of stomach flu.You okay?I feel fine now, I said doubtfully. Clearly, Id been exposed.I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hand inches from the phone, and tried to wait patiently. I thought of the strange look on Jacobs face before he drove away, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should have insisted on driving him ho me.I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by Ten. Fifteen. Even when I was driving, it took only fifteen minutes, and Jacob drove faster than I did. Eighteen minutes. I picked up the phone and dialed.It rang and rang. Maybe billy club was asleep. Maybe Id dialed wrong. I tried again.On the eighth ring, just as I was about to hang up, billy answered.Hello? he asked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting handsome news.Billy, its me, Belladid Jake make it home yet? He left here about twenty minutes ago.Hes here, Billy said tonelessly.He was supposed to call me. I was a little irritated. He was getting sick when he left, and I was worried.He was too sick to call. Hes not feeling well right now. Billy sounded distant. I realized he must want to be with Jacob.Let me know if you need any help, I offered. I could come down. I thought of Billy, stuck in his chair, and Jake fending for himselfNo, no, Billy said quickly. Were fine. Stay at your place.The way he said it was almost rud e.Okay, I agreed.Bye, Bella.The line disconnected.Bye, I muttered.Well, at least hed made it home. Oddly, I didnt feel less worried. I trudged up the stairs, fretting. Maybe I would go down before work tomorrow to check on him. I could take soupwe had to have a can of Campbells around here somewhere.I realized all such plans were canceled when I woke up earlymy clock said four thirtyand sprinted to the bathroom. Charlie found me there a half hour later, lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold edge of the bathtub.He looked at me for a long moment.Stomach flu, he finally said.Yes, I moaned.You need something? he asked.Call the Newtons for me, please, I instructed hoarsely. Tell them I have what Mike has, and that I cant make it in today. Tell them Im sorry.Sure, no problem, Charlie assured me.I spent the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, quiescence for a few hours with my head on a crumpled up towel. Charlie claimed that he had to work, but I suspected that he just wanted access to a bathroom. He left a ice rink of water on the floor beside me to keep me hydrated.It woke me up when he came back home. I could see that it was dark in my roomafter nightfall. He clumped up the stairs to check on me.Stillalive?Sort of, I said.Do you want anything?No, thanks.He hesitated, clearly out of his element. Okay, then, he said, and then he went back down to the kitchen.I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Charlie spoke to someone in a low voice for a moment, and then hung up.Mike feels better, he called up to me.Well, that was encouraging. Hed only gotten sick eight hours or so before me. Eight more hours. The thought made my stomach turn, and I pulled myself up to lean over the toilet.I fell asleep on the towel again, but when I woke up I was in my bed and it was light outside my window. I didnt remember moving Charlie must have carried me to my roomhed also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I felt parched. I chugged it down, though it t asted funny from sit stagnant all night.I got up slowly, trying not to trigger the nausea again. I was weak, and my sing tasted horrible, but my stomach felt fine. I looked at my clock.My twenty-four hours were up.I didnt push it, eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast. Charlie looked relieved to see me recovered.As soon as I was sure that I wasnt going to have to spend the day on the bathroom floor again, I called Jacob.Jacob was the one who answered, but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasnt over it.Hello? His voice was broken, cracking.Oh, Jake, I groaned sympathetically. You sound horrible.I feel horrible, he whispered.Im so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks.Im glad I went. His voice was still a whisper. Dont blame yourself. This isnt your fault.Youll get better soon, I promised. I woke up this morning, and I was fine.You were sick? he asked dully.Yes, I got it, too. But Im fine now.Thats good. His voice was dead.So youll probably be better in a few ho urs, I encouraged.I could barely hear his answer. I dont think I have the same thing you did.Dont you have the stomach flu? I asked, confused.No. This is something else.Whats wrong with you?Everything, he whispered. Every part of me hurts.The pain in his voice was nearly tangible.What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?Nothing. You cant come here. He was abrupt. It reminded me of Billy the other night.Ive already been exposed to whatever you have, I pointed out.He ignored me. Ill call you when I can. Ill let you know when you can come down again.JacobIve got to go, he said with sudden urgency.Call me when you feel better.Right, he agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitter edge.He was silent for a moment. I was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too.Ill see you soon, I finally said. expect for me to call, he said again. Okay Bye, Jacob.Bella, he whispered my name, and then hung up the phone.